Empathic management: Dealing with loss
Mental Health and work-life balance are the latest trends in the HR business. Companies around the world understand now that employees are asking for more than a good salary and seek more benefits related to their wellbeing and personal life.
The happier the human beings that work on our team, the better the results will be. The advice on these matters is filling our e-mail accounts and we might believe we know everything we need to handle every situation. However, we continue to fail in one of the most ubiquitous of all: Death and Grief.
There are many taboos at work about grief and how to manage loss, it impacts the body and mind of the bereaved employee, consequently impacting their performance, the way they tackle challenges, and how stress is perceived.
It is important that managers and coworkers learn how to deal with these circumstances in a sensitive way without harming their job and, at the same time, encourage the employee to refocus and gain control of their life and work again, in a healthy manner.
Usually, companies have a plan to handle birth and illness, to celebrate birthdays and special days, but when it comes to death there are no processes to follow but silence. Normally, to save the bereaved employee and their coworkers from pain, the company gives a couple of days away from work and hopes that they return with the same energy as they left. In a life ruled by work and family, where we spend half of our awake time with our coworkers, we cannot expect that this non-planning, this stigma, continues to be the norm.
So, what can we do as HR managers (CEOs, middle managers, team leaders, and so on) to create a safe culture for grief?
Take it personally. No one griefs the same way. For some, work can be a pleasant escape, for others, it can be painful, and 5 days is not enough. Ask the bereaved employee what they need. They might not know what to answer at the moment, but they will know they have the space to think and make decisions based on what they are experiencing. Time and space are crucial in this process.
Do not be silent. Make a call, send a message, a card, flowers, whatever you think is appropriate. To know that we are taking care, that pain is recognized is important. Managers may think that the last thing the bereaved person wants is to be remembered of their loss, but, in fact, they need to know that they can count on the company's attention and that they are more than just... a human resource.
Send information, share the company’s expectations, and open safe space to negotiate. Grief is a healing process, and it is not linear. Dealing with loss is dealing with a huge life change and the bereaved person might feel lost and overwhelmed. Although sometimes people think it is rude to talk about results and ongoing projects, it is necessary for all the employees and especially for those who are grieving to have ground to stand on. This gives a sense of discipline, order, and relieves the pressure of making complex decisions and guessing what is expected at a certain time.
Be flexible. Perhaps the person who is grieving wants to work but is not able to deal with it full time, or they need a safe space to cry. Negotiate their presence. They can start part-time or work from home. Assure them that they have that flexibility, and if they really need to be in the office, create a safe place, a separate comfortable room to relax and exorcise the pain. I am sure that other employees will use this room too. Flexibility helps the bereaved person to benefit from the structure of returning to work without being overwhelmed.
Keep it simple. Condolences and expressions of affection are difficult when we are talking about death. One moment we are feeling exhausted and want to be alone, in the other we need caring words. Managers and coworkers should avoid usual places and just say: “I’m here if you need it” or “I don’t know what to say, but I’m thinking of you.” Give coworkers a training session on how to deal with the death and grief of a colleague. It is a one-time training session that will be useful not only at that moment but all their life.
Reassure the grieving employees that they are worthy and even if their productivity may not be the same, the company needs them, and they are doing a fantastic job. Bereaved people tend to feel useless, and lack of energy and concentration may lead to reduced productivity. Let them know that this is a normal process, and they are doing well.
Speak about loss. No one experiences a loss the same way, however, speaking about loss opens the possibility of others speaking too. If you want to nurture a culture of transparency and safety, start by sharing your fragilities. Lead by example.
Implement benefits that help manage tough times such as wellbeing plans and health insurances that assure mental health care.
As workers, we need to focus on business and results. However, as human beings, we are always challenged by different casualties. As HR managers, we need to work for the employees, not for the processes. As team managers, we need to manage people, not resources. Empathic management is the solution to support our employees and make them flourish and provide better results, either in joy or in sorrow.
As HR Business Partner in Adapttech, I know I found a place to nurture, care for, and to be a part of the evolution of HR. The secret? We improve people’s lives, starting with our own people.
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